9TH JUNE 2003
:: INTEGRATOR ::

Artist: Lucy Carr
Title: This Is Goodbye
Label: Lickin' [ LICKIN02 ]
 

This is one of the most interesting pop stories of recent times, yet no-one really seems to have touched on it. Lucy Carr, a twenty-something from Flint in North Wales, is a self-proclaimed "singer/songwriter." Now, in the dance world, I think we all know what a "singer/songwriter" is, and generally we end up with pretty shocking tracks you wouldn't make your goldfish listen to. However, when pop artists write and perform their own material, we are told to accept David Sneddon and Craig David with open arms. So where does an aritst that doesn't really fall into either category stake a claim?

Carr, this supposed singer/songwriter, was so determined to succeed she quit her bank job and moved to London to find stardom. Now if you were cyncial and spent too much time on the internet, you may comically finish this story by concluding "but ended up as a model turned hooker just to pay the rent." Ironically, whilst I wouldn't dare say that Lucy Carr is a prostitute, she certainly slept her way to success. But was the price worth paying?

Well, let's put it this way - I can't imagine there are many readers who would leap at a chance to have a session with legendary long-haired twat Peter Stringfellow. He's had more women than I've had typos. We're talking serious amounts. So, when moving to London, what's the first job you would apply for if you had just spent four years working in a bank? That's right, a lap dancer. At Stringfellows.

Strangely, I'm only half way through this story but already I can imagine you thinking "you couldn't make this up." But it's all true. So she meets Stringfellow, who chats her up, and the next thing you know they're an "item" (which clearly means different things to different people). And Carr continues her lapdancing as well as suggesting to Stringfellow that she could make it big. And if you were a nightclub owner who employs lapdancers, surely you'd immediately set up a record company just for your girlfriend too?

But now I'm warping the truth, since the fact that Carr was sleeping with Peter Stringfellow was enough to make all the pop labels close their A&R doors to her (despite her being a "singer/songwriter"). So Carr persuades Stringfellow to distribute her music. And he agrees. Despite having precisely NO music experience. The label is called Lickin' (which I imagine we can file under "too much info"), but even in the face of  an inexperienced label, her first single "Missing You" hit the Top 20 in January this year, although if it had been promoted and released by a pro label (i.e. not an amateur independent) it would surely have satisfied the Top 5 predictions made by some magazines.

"Missing You" was one of those irritating, shiny po-trance tracks that all serious dance people find extra frustrating simply because we know they're going to do so well they're going to spawn further singles and if we're very unlucky an album as well. Looks like I forgot to touch wood as the album is coming out towards the end of the summer.

However the follow-up single, due out on July 21st, is no real improvement on the debut, but there are probably a hsot of reasons to explain that (largely the "if it ain't broke" adage). So to conclude, Lucy Carr's a dirty slapper who releases crap and sleeps with a perv. Er, why does she get to be the Integrator this week? I'm surely not that desperate for tracks?!!

No, becuase the remixes are absolutely stunning. Full Intention have been known to turn a poor pop record into a superb bells-and-all dance track on the odd occasion (isn't that right Jennifer?), and on this new single Kenny Hayes and Monteverdi do totally different yet very versatile re-interpretations. Hayes - from the All Around The World stable that is responsible for the Porn Kings, Clubstar, and Flip N Fill to name but a few trance terrorists - makes surprisingly good remixes for someone who has the reputation of being something of a cheesemonger. I am always finding myself thinking his tracks are going to be poptastically terrible, yet 9 times out of 10 he pulls it out of the bag and walks away smelling of roses.

This is another case of it. You would have thought some cash-in shite would be on offer, but a well thought-out trance mix is the order of the day. Rather like his recent remix of X-Odus' "I'm In Love Again" - which was as good if not better than the original that was produced by trance superhero Lange - it was a pleasant and rather refreshing surprise to hear a commercial trance remix with so much quality.

The same is true for Monteverdi, although to be frank this is the first production I've heard from them. These pop/dance crossover tracks always seem to have bland, mid-tempo dance mixes from Almighty, Amen UK, Stella Browne etc so at the first drum beat where it became apparent that it was a house mix I assumed it would be another dull dance cover. However, again I was pleasantly surprised that it was quite catchy, made good use of the vocals (she can at least sing) and was generally a bit uplifting.

So in truth, Lucy Carr is this week's Integrator not because her track is loads better than I was expecting, but because it's far less rubbish than I was expecting. In fact, it's cases where I think it's going to be pants but turns out to be really rather good that I am the most impressed , and here I think she has earnt he accolade.

The final point is a cautionary note about the LMC remix, and that is avoid it all costs as it's almost as bad as the original. To summarise, bravo Kenny Hayes, congratulations Monteverdi and stop sleeping with someone old enough to be your grandad, Lucy!!